A MALAYSIAN WOMAN POET TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE-

I have written poems about women in the legends, but I am also concerned about the present situation. What happened to the legendry ladies is happening to many women in our time, though in different ways. Even today, marriages are not necessarily a matter of the heart. There are marriages of convenience, marriages for family honour, business arrangements, social commitments, and more often to save a woman and her family from the social stigma. A girl is brought up to preserve a good name so that she will be married into a good family. It is believed that no woman would remain unmarried by choice . There is a high and often unaffordable price of living alone and remaining true to one’s identity and carving one’s own destiny. My point is what I put in the line, “A woman has to be less herself, in order to be more a woman”. This is delivered in a poem entitled “Marriage”:

Marriage

-one woman’s opinion

Marriage is the difficulty

Of changing routines and priorities

That make you less yourself

And a woman has to be less her self

In order to be more a woman.

Marriage to a woman

Is a protection

For her who dares not live

On her own identity

It is too costly and too risky.

(Menghadap ke Pelabuhan/Facing the Harbour: 82-83)

Even up to the present time some young girls sacrifice advancement in career for a marriage prospect much to the loss of their nations. In a poem “Salam Perempuan Dari Penjara,” (A Woman’s Greeting From Prison, 2010) [S1] , I looked at a woman’s journey through life as a procession which no one dares to divert from. It is a procession where everyone walked to a fixed destiny:

A woman’s greeting from prison

One Zurinah in a chamber with her sisters

She dares not go out again

Though the field is calling her name

For here they let her have

Anything except her own self

She has something to say

But she does not own a voice

A woman must be protected

Her words could harm herself

So she offers unrefined verses form her prison

In a hurry to live up to their expectation

They demand perfection

Before the evening wind

Drop petals of roses on her table

Before the last shadow

Pass by her window

Before the twilight rays

Throw lines on the glaze

And lines on her face

She and her sisters

In a procession to their dying day

While within these walls

They had never lived at all.

Original version in Bahasa Melayu

Salam Perempuan dari Penjara

Seorang Zurinah

di kamar saudara-saudara perempuannya

Dia tidak berani keluar lagi

Ke padang yang melambainya

Di sini ia bisa memiliki apa saja

Kecuali dirinya sendiri

Dia mahu berkata

Tetapi tidak punya suara

Kerana bahasa seorang wanita

Telah menjadi merbahaya

Lalu ditawarkan puisi-puisi sumbang dari kurungan

Terlalu banyak yang minta disempurnakan

Sebelum angin petang turun

Meleraikan mawar di meja

Sebelum bayang-bayang terakhir

Berlalu dari jendela

Sebelum senja menyuramkan

Garis-garis di kaca

Garis-garis di muka

Dia dan saudara-saudara perempuannya

Dalam perarakan menuju harimati

Sedang ketakutan telah lama

Membunuh mereka..

( Di sini tiada perhentian: 4)

The translated version together with the original are later published in Menghadap ke Pelabuhan/Facing the Harbour: ITBM Kuala Lumpur, 2010. The second printing is in 2013 and third printing in 2018.The collection was also translated into Spanish, Russian, Japanese and French.

As I have mentioned earlier, there are women who marry for the sake of freeing themselves from social stigma. As for choosing their life partners, the elders told their girls not to be choosy and told their boys to choose their bride properly. This depressing situation gave rise to a poem “Satu Percakapan Singkat” (A Short Conversation):

A Shprt Conversation

(with a fellow poet)

My friend

On our love for this life

We may not differ from each other

On our love for poetry

That too is similar

But you are a man

And I am a woman

That make the whole different

A man is free

to limit his choice

a woman limits her choice

to free herself.

((Menghadap ke Pelabuhan/Facing the Harbour: pp.88-89)

Born as a woman, there is not much that you can do but pray to God for his protection and guidance. I wrote a poem, “Nyanyian Menidurkan Halini” (A Lullaby to Halini), in which I told a little girl not to cry. And I wish I could teach her not to shed tears now and forever. She should grow up as a strong personality and not to cry on the wrong shoulders.

With this song Halini

I put you to sleep

Sleep will not always come easy

When you are old enough to know it

Calm down Halini

Don’t cry anymore

You must learn to value your tears

Don’t let it fall

on any wrong shoulders.

May you grow up Halini

With courage and confidence

Put your trust in God