Women Issues in my short stories by Zurinah Hassan,( Malaysian literary laureate)

  I have often voiced the problems of being a woman writer in my short stories. Most of the stories are based on my own my experience.

I too have had the experience of having to stay home with my little toddlers, during which period it was impossible to produce anything of literary standard. Later, when I managed to break away, I summed up those depressing situations in a short story entitled “Catatan Di Meja Makan” later translated into “Some Notes On The Kitchen Table”, first published in 1983 in our national newspaper, Berita Harian.

 The protagonist is named Hamima, an upcoming short story writer who left her job to look after her small children. She became desperate when the routines of a housewife took her away from her writing (and from herself). The protagonist was desperate in a life that offered no sense of satisfaction or purpose, and it was my own life.

Some  extracts from the short story, “Catatan Di Meja Makan”.

The prospect of marriage did not attract me at all. If I had my choice it would not happen so soon. I  was worried that it would affect my ambition to be an accomplish writer. I have read many times in the literary columns, discussions on women writers who disappear after marriage. The favourite line was “female writers are lesser to male writers in term of quality and quantity”. She was determined to prove them wrong.

But like other girls in my society I did not have the final say on my marriage. It was my mother and my fiancé’s mother who initiated our engagement.  I was tired of her nagging so I accepted the arrangement.  "Remember Hamimah, you are a girl . If you are  a man it will be a different case. If you are a man you can concentrate on writing and forget about getting married until you feel you are ready. If you are a man you can do anything” I understood very well what my mother was getting at. It meant I have to find a husband before I get old and unattractive.

 

I felt empty and desperate.  It had been more than a year since  I wrote anything. I realized how wrong I was to think that I could plan my days. Now know that there is no such thing as planning and time management in a housewife job. You simply cannot tell when the babies are going to get sick and you cannot do anything else except carry and try to calm them down. You cannot predict  when anyone of them would trip and fall and all you can do is run in a panic  for plaster and bandage.  When my first son was less than six months and only lie in his baby cod, I could still do something, but once he started to  crawl  all I did was keep my eyes on him. With the addition of my second child that was almost the end of my dream.

A housewife job is never done, far from More distressing because it is not even recognised as a job. A full time housewife with toddlers at home will lead a life of anxiety, panic, stress and even disappointment and  frustration.

Below are some examples of events that actually occurred in my life.

It was a cloudy and wet morning. It had rained since dawn. The sun was hidden away. But by the time I finished spinning the laundry at ten o’clock it looked bright enough so I decided to hang the laundry outside. Hanging out laundry was not too difficult before. But now with two unpredictable toddlers it was challenging.  I manage to settle the clothes on the line, and went inside to my ever active children. About half an hour later there was a sudden downpour.  I ran out to save the laundry but half or it was already wet. There was not enough space under the shed to put the laundry so they have to cramped together and I know it will take longer to get them dry. The sky was bright again about two o’clock but I could not take the clothes out because the children were pressing me to take them to the mini market for their favourite candies. I had tried to ignore but as usual they won their way. These are the things that husbands did not know when they advise you to spend money wisely . While walking back I had stomach pain and need to rush to the toilet but the toddlers were slow and playing along the way.

By four it was very bright. My husband reached home. I could see he was disappointed with me for not cooking a proper meal for him. He looked at the dampen clothes and asked “the sun is so bright  why didn’t you dry the laundry outside. What have you been doing all day in the house. He did not understand that the sun was playing hide and seek with me the whole day.

I unfurled my problems and difficulties in handling house chores and looking after the children to my husband. I was hoping to hear soothing and sympathetic words from him. He quietly listened. Then he spoke with his slow and firm voice. " Hamima,  why don’t you think about it. You only have two children and you are making so much noise. Our mothers and grandmothers used to have ten children but they did not complaint. Why don’t you think about it. women nowadays have much easier live. Not like before when they have to haul water from the well, look for fire woods  in the forests, pound chillies and spices while you only have to turn on blenders and buy grated coconut or readymade coconut milk from the shops., you should be grateful. Why don’t you think about it.”

That’s my husband, always advising. He never missed his favourite line “why don’t you think about it?”, so much so that it made  me believe that I actually have never think about anything. I nod in agreement. It was only later that I have a different view and regretted that I have not voice it.  I should have said that It is not fair to compare us with our grandmothers. They had never known any other life than the kitchen. They had not known what it was to work in the office with lunch breaks and coffee breaks,

 annual leave and medical leave. More important they never knew what is job satisfaction or awards for excellent services. And are you sure they never complaint?.

 

Taken from A JOURNEY THROUGH PROSE AND POETRY, MALAYSIAN NATIONAL LAUREATE ZURINAH HASSAN. IIUM PRESS AND DEWAN BAHASA DAN PUSTAKA,2018.